Pregnancy: Newborn: How do I fold baby clothes?

I don't think you're stupid. I just didn't know, and you unwrap them so quickly to have a look at them, you forget how they went in the first place. How do you fold dresses? You pretty much don't. They're difficult. Use any baby hangers you have for dresses. How do you fold tops and trousers? Pretty much the same as you'd fold adult tops and trousers. They fit best in a drawer in "like for like" piles, and easy quick grab access too.

How to fold bodysuits

Lie the bodysuit FACEDOWN.

Fold the arms in, one on top of the other

Like so

Next, pull the legs up to meet the folded arms

Fold the bottom up, in half

Turn it over, and with this method you can see which
bodysuit it is in the drawer

When the clothes get bigger (this is 3-6 mo)

You might want to add in an extra fold

To make it the same size as the smaller ones

How to fold vests

Lie it facedown again, for the same reason, so you can see
which one it is in the drawer

Fold it up, at where the crotch starts

Fold in half for newborn, and more for older.

Once you know, it's easy. But working it out, and if you have no-one to show you, can be very stressful.

Newborn: Baby: 0-3 months: 3-6 months: What the hell is wrong with my baby?

Weaning: You'll be surprised when you're weaning just how quickly your baby's runny poops go solid. If you're weaning and they are screaming for apparently no reason, remember that they could be trying to pass a hard poop, and they're not used to it.

There is definitely a checklist to go through to see what's wrong with your baby, and when you reach the end, your should go back and start again. Remember that if you are getting too stressed out with your baby (i.e saying "shut up" instead of "be quiet" or wanting to yell at her) put her in her cot and leave the room. Shut the door and go have a coffee. Calm down and try again.

There are many things that could be wrong with your baby. There may be other reasons as well.

• Hunger
• Temperature (too hot or too cold. Take everything off your baby, or enough to reach, and place the back of your hand on her belly. This will tell you if (s)he is hot or cold.)
• Tired
• Bored
• Lonely
• Windy
• Overstimulated 
• Your baby may just want to be alone for five minutes. We all need this sometimes. This may or may not lead to a nap. You may be surprised at how quickly your baby develops a sense of self, personality, and desire to be alone. Don't leave her alone for too long, five minutes is a good timescale for babies.
• Pooping
• (s)he might want a dummy (if relevant) or a particular toy
• From about 4 months (s)he might complain if (s)he wants to sit up. (s)he will be getting more and more curious and wants to see the world.
• Teething. It's never too early. More on this later.
• Post-injection fever. More on this later.

After you've been through this list a few times, is when it might be illness. Don't leap straight to it.  

Newborn: Lights

My Newborn is obsessed with lights, will it damage her eyes?

No. This is completely normal, all babies love lights. They will stare at them for ages and it won't damage their eyes at all. If it's too bright the baby will turn away from it naturally, and it's completely okay. You can't stop them from looking at them, they will always search for the lights, and it's okay. Don't take them too close to the light source, and don't shine a torch in their eyes, but wherever they decide to look is completely okay.

Newborn: How do I play with my newborn?

You don't. I know that's heartbreaking, I do. I know you want to wake her up and play with her, but remember, (s)he's sleeping because (s)he needs to. Newborns need a lot of sleep. I don't know about other people, but I personally class Newborn as from birth to 1 month. After about a month they will slowly start to be more alert, and sleep a little less. Parenthood is all about patience. You need to be patient for them to start to be more alert. You need to be patient for them to reach all their milestones - every baby is different, milestones are guides, not targets. You need to be patient for them to tie their shoelaces, if you jump in and do it for them, they won't learn how to get good at it. Their whole lives you've got to be patient, and it starts now.

What you can do when your newborn is awake, is bond. The more the both of you bond with your baby now, the better your relationship with your child will be.

You can cuddle her. This might make her go to sleep, but this is because (s)he feels safe with you. Lie her on your chest, let her listen to your heartbeat. It is still the most comforting thing for her.

You can look at her. (s)he will never be this little again and you should treasure it. Look at her, study every crease and frown and chubby belly. The better you know your baby and what is normal, the quicker you will know when (s)he is ill, and the quicker you will get to know her cues.

~* Cues: Baby's have many cues to let you know things like hunger, and tiredness, before the cry even starts. They might start mouthing for food, or scratching at their face, or whimpering. There are many cues and your baby might have the same cues as other babies, or a completely unique one. Every baby seems to have several cues for each affliction, and some cues that are the same for hunger and tiredness, or hunger and pooping, etc. You should get to know your baby as much as possible so you can learn her cues. It's better to give her food as she is starting to get hungry rather than when (s)he's screaming for it; especially when weaning, it's much slower than breast or bottle feeding. *~

You can take photos of her. It is something that is very easy to forget, and when you look back and realize you don't have any/many photos, it can be quite upsetting. I think you could aim to take a photo every day, because you will miss some, and forget, and even if it's only every other day that you manage it, you'll still have plenty of photos of your little baby. Take photos of lots of different relatives holding her, (s)he might want to look at them when (s)he's older, and it will be a nice keepsake for your relatives too. Try and get a few family photos of Mummy, Daddy and Baby, especially when he's on paternity leave and readily available. You can take your camera into most Boots stores and get them developed for 20 odd pence each, there are also other, more specific places that do so. You can also go to www.photobox.co.uk/yourbaby, simply register, and you can send them your files and get 60 FREE prints sent to you. You have to pay them postage, which isn't much, £3 I think, and you can get 50 more free prints for everyone that you successfully invite to join. Even after they are no longer free, I think it is only a few pence per photo. I am not sure about photo developing websites/stores for America.

You can talk to her. (s)he got to know your voice pretty well in the womb, and it is still comforting for her. you can talk to her when (s)he's awake or asleep, soother her and let her get to know you. (s)he doesn't understand what you're saying right now, so you can repeat yourself as often as you want, or even swear (by accident of course), be sure to use calming, gentle tones, almost lyrical. You can be more upbeat and happy, sing-songy when (s)he's awake, and you should be gentler and more soothing when (s)he's asleep.

You can read to her. This is mainly an extension of talking to her. (s)he won't understand anything yet, you can simply read her whatever book you're reading if you like. This can be easier for anyone who is self conscious about chattering to their baby without any real point to the one-sided conversation, or people who don't really know what to say. They won't engage with the book, or understand what it is, so it's not something you have to do, but you could get used to it now, and doing the silly voices, so you're not thrown in at the deep end when (s)he's two or three and wants a bedtime story every night.

You can sing to her. You will need to sing when she's a bit older, babies love song. You can sing her whatever you're listening to right now, even if it swears, although you might want to start hunting around for radio edits of your favourite songs. You need to get over any embarrassment of talking, or singing to her in public, it will be best for the both of you if you don't care what other people think if you just burst into song in the middle of the supermarket.

Toys: - are not necessary for newborns. They don't really understand them. It can give you something to talk to them about and it's not like it would do them any harm, but you don't have to play with toys with them and if you do and they aren't interested, that's normal.

The Changing bag.

You need a nice big changing bag, squishy and easy to manipulate, so you can shove it any which way. I find my changing bag with an adjustable strap very useful, and it is a good size for me.

My change bag

You will need your change bag every day, every time you go out, and even if you're only nipping to the shop around the corner, because there could be an emergency, you might want to just hop on a bus into town and this would give you the freedom to do so, you could be out longer than you anticipated. This is a completely separate entity to your handbag. It's easiest to shove it at the bottom of the pram in the basket, but sometimes you don't want to keep bending down and faffing so you hang it over the handles instead.

What you need in your change bag:-

• fold up change mat (optional) right at the bottom. You very rarely need it, but you might want to cushion an incredibly hard changing mat in a public change room, or you might need to make do with bad conditions. It's useful in the rare times you need it.
• Change of clothes. For your baby. Essential, and, if they're ill, you might want to take another change. I mean a complete change. Vest, bodysuit/trousers and top, socks, gloves and hat if necessary. This is if they throw up or poo everywhere.
• Extra clothes. This is different. This is things your baby MIGHT need. An extra layer for if it gets cold. A jumper or cardigan basically.
• Spare dummy (if applicable) in a plastic bag. Keep this close to the top.
• Muslin squares. Essential. you may need two or three.
• Baby wipes. Always. Changing their bum or wiping their face, baby wipes are incredibly versatile and essential.
• Nappies. 4x. Yes. And remember to replace them once they've been used.
• Nappy bags. Always bring some, but to be honest you don't always use them in public.
• Bum cream.
• Emergency feed. This is not a feed feed, it's a pre-made carton (SMA and pre-sterilized teats are very useful) it's not to be counted as a feed - it's an emergency. If you run out, get snowed in or stranded somewhere sort of thing. Keep it in the bag at all times.
• Medicines and syringes. At least a painkiller, a wind fixer, and a teething gel
• The day's feeds. You might also want to bring a spare, just in case.
• Toys. Small things like rattles or squishy like cuddly toys.  Bring the "main" toys with you in the pram/car, but things get lost, thrown, dirty, run out of batteries. I keep a small rattle in the change bag at all times.

In addition, I also carry some baby-related things in my handbag at all times

• spare muslin for quick access
• camera
• diary for appointments
• her red book (otherwise I'll lose it or forget to bring it to appointments)

With all of this you can see how mums can seem so scattered. There's a hundred things to remember to bring and do. When I was first told that it would take three hours to leave the house, I didn't believe them. I did quite well though, I managed it in two...most things are static in your change bag, you just need to check you still have things.

Don't worry, you'll get used to it. And you'll start to arrange them as to, what will I need first? That can go on top. It's a lot to lug around with you and is one of the hardest things to get used to, because you can't just decide to go out anymore, there's all this preparation. No-one told you it was easy did they?

SMA pre made bottle

Box of teats

This is how they come. Pre sterilized, in a little
bag, can be popped in your change bag like this

Bottle feeding

Remember that these posts are created for advice for people, like me, who weren't planning for a baby all their lives, and suddenly they're thrown in at the deep end. It may sound patronizing to people who know what to do already.

~*Note: I use Tommee Tippee bottles, so not all of this will be relevant if you're using different bottles.*~

Bottle feeding is a completely different skill to breast feeding, though nowhere near as hard. So up until now your little one has had exclusively breast-fed breast-milk. You've decided to move one to bottle fed breast milk or formula. So your baby is used to a big mouthful of breast from you. It's warm, and it's natural, they don't have to learn anything. Bottle teats are going to be thinner than your nipples (and areola. The mouthful she takes in, is what I mean), and stick out further, so your baby has to close her mouth more and tighter around a teat. This can lead to a lot of dribbling and spills, not just at first. Your baby will find it hard to adjust to this new skill, so be patient with her, and love her, and soothe her. Your baby is used to being tickled on the nose/top lip to tell her it's time for a feed, you can do this with the bottle too, to ease into it. Your baby may not like the taste or feel of the teat, which can lead to them spitting it out a lot, but don't worry, they will get used to it. Use a muslin as a bib, it can go all the way around her neck without scratching or chafing. I think bibs are for food and weaning. The muslin can also protect your clothes from spills.

Your baby won't understand that a bottle means food straightaway, it could take some time. A good way to start off the feed is wait until (s)he is screaming for food and plonking it in her mouth. It won't take long for her to learn that a bottle means food and opening her mouth for it. Make sure you have the valve at the top, above her lip. This lets air in one way and stops the bottle from warping the same way as a bottle of water would warp for us if we had it all in one go. Even if you haven't done it before, you'll have seen someone on television or out and about, testing the temperature of the milk. You should be able to not feel it at all when you drop it on your wrist, body temperature. But this is not essential. It can be slightly cool, or warm to your wrist. You may find that your baby prefers it one way of another.

If you're bottle feeding early, like me, your newborn may still fall asleep at the bottle. Just twist it around in her mouth and (s)he will remember what (s)he was doing. If (s)he doesn't understand how the bottles work, you can gently squeeze the sides to squirt some in her mouth and help her along.

But I'm moving straight onto formula and my baby doesn't like it. What do I do?
It is going to be different for her, and taste different to your breast milk. It is entirely possible that (s)he is pushing it away because (s)he doesn't like it. They are all formulated differently and have different tastes, just try it yourself and you'll see.
Aptamil - we topped up our baby with this when I was breastfeeding. We had some of the pre-made cartons handed down from my partners brother. I never tried it, but we only gave her a few, because she really turned her nose up at them and didn't like them. We never tried the powder. The powders and the pre-made cartons can taste different, so you may want to try another version.
SMA - we then switched onto this. ~**Everywhere on the internet says to talk to your doctor before switching formulas but you really don't have to. It's so your doctor can monitor your baby for any digestive changes and reactions, and you can do that yourself. It might be good to keep a cry diary, if (s)he is screaming more, or less, on a different formula, you'll have an answer. **~ SMA is greasy, hard to clean off bottles, and it blocked our baby up. She was only pooping once a week on it and it was very painful for her. This is just my baby's reaction to this formula, not every baby's. Don't avoid because I said it was no good for us, just be aware that it can happen. Strangely she seems to be okay with the pre-made SMA bottles, which are really good, they're not cartons, they're ready to use bottles that you can buy teats for and have a feed ready in seconds. I carry one around at all times in the Change bag.
Cow and Gate - We switched to this and found our answer. It's frothy, light and tastes pretty nice to me, and our baby loves it. She will gulp it down. It's also cheaper than SMA, £7.99 per tub as opposed to £9.29 for SMA. She digests it much better, and quicker. She has a healthy bowel movement every day now, which is much better. Once a week on formula isn't the healthiest, but talk to your doctor if it's been 10 or more days since her last bowel movement.

Crying - clearly wanting something and letting you know. Fairly quiet at first but if you don't catch it quick it can turn into screaming.
Screaming - inconsolable, you've tried everything and it's not working. You're getting stressed and upset and (s)he won't calm down. Much louder and demanding. Screaming is very hard to cope with and occurs at teething, with digestive pain, when they're ill...

~***You should always say "be quiet" to your baby; or "shhh-hh" The minute you say "SHUT UP", you're getting too stressed to deal with her properly, especially if you're her mum, she picks up on your moods. Take her, and put her in her cot. As soon as you say shut up. (s)he's safe there. Don't worry. Give her her dummy if (s)he has one, shut the door, go away. Make yourself a coffee, or have a cigarette, anything. Sit down for five minutes and relax. There is no shame in that. It's awful to hear her cry and if you can't help her you can feel worse and worse. You may find that when you go back up, she's asleep, and that's fine too. Even if she's not due a nap yet, screaming can tire a baby out. It is also possible that (s)he was overstimulated, and wanted 5 minutes to herself too. Even if she's still screaming, or wakes up screaming, you're better equipped to deal with it now.***~

Soy - if your baby is screaming after every feed, keep in mind that they could have a lactose intolerance. Varying levels exist, my partner's brother's kid has special formula on prescription. All formula brands have a soya alternative, and that could be the problem. It's best to talk to your doctor before switching onto lactofree formula. Cow and Gate's infasoy is for all ages, including adults, with lactose intolerance. I don't know about other soya formulas. It made her scream more so that wasn't the problem, but it could be, and you need to be aware of that.

How to make bottles - they're far too militant about this okay? You're fine.
"Don't make up all your bottles for the day" - No. What are you going to do if you're out? Making up your bottles for the day is fine.
"Use water at at least 70 degrees C" - No. This is because the powder is not sterile and it *could* make your baby ill. But they have to be extra careful so they don't get sued. You can use cooled boiled water to make your bottles, just understand that there is a small chance it might make your baby ill.
"Don't refrigerate bottles" - No. You can refrigerate bottles if you like, I wouldn't for more than a couple of days, but you can. Breastmilk can stay in the fridge for ages, I think a week, or two? Or in the freezer for a month.
"Use bottles within 2 hours of making" - No. Clearly not. If you're going out you want to take a few bottles with you.
"Use formula powder within a month of opening" - Yes. They're probably being overly cautious, but the bacteria in the powder will multiply in this timescale. And don't worry. If you're exclusively formula feeding your baby, you will get through it within a month. Easily. Every two weeks really. No waste.
"You should give your baby X amount of formula" - No. There are tables on the back of the formula tubs, and an equation they give you, but don't give your baby more because they say so. We were overfeeding our baby for the longest time because of this. Give her how much you think (s)he needs. If you think she's having too much, cut her down.
            the equation they give you is 150ml multiplied by weight in kg, divided by the number of feeds (s)he has in 24 hours. The result, in ml, is actually the amount of formula (s)he should be having once it's made up. 7 scoops of powder and 7oz of water actually make up 8oz of formula, not 7.

Teats - Don't go by the packaging. We switched to number 2 teats (med flow) at 2 months, not 3. If you think (s)he is ready for it, try her on it. If (s)he spills too much, or drinks too quickly and throws up, switch back. We felt that feeding was getting very slow, with how much she was having and how slow it was coming out. She seemed to want it quicker than she was getting. You'll know.

Winding - You need to stop and burp her halfway through. Even if (s)he doesn't want to. Ours doesn't. You'll get to know whereabouts "halfway through" is, and then prepare yourself for the crying, the angry sounding crying, as (s)he tells you (s)he wants it back. Ignore her and wind her as normal. It will be better for her I promise. And at the end of the feed, the longer you spend winding her, the better you'll sleep! If you don't wind her properly, it can build up during the day, and when it gets to the evening time, cause her great pain and stress. After a feed, I always find it best to sit back, relax, and enjoy a nice cuddle, whilst rubbing her back for windies.

This is how I do bottles. I'm not saying it's the only way, I'm not even saying it's correct, but it's simple, and satisfies fussy health visitors that insist on a certain temperature for the water.

First, the sterilized bottle. Add any Dentinox, Gripe water,
or other medicines to bottle first.

Next, Add your scoops of powder. This can be done in many
bottles and left overnight. The longer you leave it with the
medicine in, the harder it will be to shake, and may become
clumpy, if you do it scoops and no medicine though,
it can be left for longer

Now, boil your water and measure it out
IN A DIFFERENT BOTTLE

This is your made up bottle

Add lid and shake as normal

Thoroughly check for lumps and bits stuck to the side. It
happens often with this method of making bottles.

Add bottle to jug of cold water to cool, or run under cold tap
like they tell you to. I prefer the jug of cold water because I
can comfort my hungry baby whilst it's cooling. You can add
ice cubes, or an ice pack, to make this faster.

Doing your bottle this way satisfies the health professionals strict instructions of how to make the bottles, and it stops the powder scoop getting clumpy and needing washing. Screwing the lid on can be difficult, because the bottle is very hot. You can do it with a towel. Do not shake the bottle by only holding on to the lid of the bottle. It can fly off and the bottle can bounce on the floor, spraying boiling milk everywhere, including in you eye. believe me, I know. Hold it upside down by the lid, and shake, it can't fly off that way, or use a towel to hold on to the hot bottle, then you can grip it wherever you like, and shake.

Sterilizing

The MINUTE you're on bottle feeding, you will want a big steam sterilizer, plug in, not microwave. I have a hand-down avent. I don't know all steam sterilizers but mine is designed to hold only avent bottles, so it will fit 6 avent bottles, or 6 asda's little angels bottles, or similar, or it will hold 5 tommee tippee bottles. Teats and lids go in the top and it will only fit 4 or 5 tommee tippee teats or lids, or 6 asda's little angels. You often end up doing a sterilizing of just teats and lids, so you may want to get a couple spare, or, once you've moved to big bottles, you'll have spares anyway from the little bottles. Alternatively, if you have hand-me-downs or are comfortable with money, or have doting new grandparents that want to splash cash, you could get a small microwave sterilizer as well, that would be just for teats and lids.

Sterilizing 
-Step one: after your baby has finished her bottle, and burped, put her down somewhere safe and go straight to the kitchen. Rinse the bottle under the tap, fill with 1-2 oz of water, screw the lid back on and shake. Tip the dirty water out and fill the bottle again and put it on the side. This makes things MUCH easier later when you're actually sterilizing. Especially if your baby is on SMA milk. SMA is a very thick and greasy milk. It makes the bottles hard to clean, and if they aren't cleaned properly, they will get stained a horrible colour. We are on cow and gate and she poops much more regularly than she did on SMA, she found it very difficult to process and would scream a lot when she had to poop. Cow and gate is also easier to clean off the bottles, and much less greasy and thinner. Cow and gate is frothier and may sometimes leave bubble residue, this is fairly east to get off though.

-Step two: when you have enough bottles to fill your sterilizer, wash them. You don't have to use a bottle brush, especially with nice wide bottles like tommee tippee, but it can help and some come with a handy teat cleaner. You can wash the bottles in hot soapy water like the rest of your washing up. Precautions I take to make sure my baby isn't going to get anything nasty in her food are: -make sure they are the first things you wash up in a clean bowl of water - get a new washing up cloth every single time (normally once a day, in the evening, so you might want to make sure you have at least 7 washcloths. It can then be used on the rest of your washing up no problem.) Because you rinsed the bottles out earlier, all they will need is a wipe over with the cloth, inside and out.

-Step three: I don't think this is mandatory, but I do it every time. Finish whatever washing up you need to do, tip the water away. Rinse the bowl out, and refill with hot water, nothing else. Tip all your bottles, teats and lids back in to the bowl, and swish them all around, getting all suds off the bottles.

-Step four: Now's the easy bit. You shove them all in the sterilizer and shove it on. For my avent this is just fill it with 200ml water, and press a button. Others might be more complicated I'm not sure.

Sterilizing is one of the things that I actually agree with them being militant about. It is very important, you don't want your baby to be having anything they shouldn't have. And you have to do this roundabout once a day. Every day. It can be a struggle, but you WILL get used to it and it WILL become routine. You have to continue sterilizing for a long time, around six months, maybe a bit earlier. Basic guide is, when they're reaching out, picking things up for themselves, and putting them in their mouth, you no longer have to sterilize everything. I think this will be around the time they sit up, but my little one hasn't got there yet so I don't know.

Read the instructions, but my steam sterilizer doesn't need cleaning. Only when it gets gunk in it coming up from the bottom, which is about once every two months maybe, with daily use. Microwave sterilizers get gunk on them quite a lot, and need a thorough clean, or at least a wipedown with a cloth, every couple of weeks. My microwave sterilizer is a tommee tippee, and can fit two big bottles, complete with teats AND lids, which can be good if you need them quickly, or 3 small bottles with teats and lids. I got my tommee tippee microwave sterilizer free with my tommee tippee manual breast pump, which also came with a bottle.
Note: I do not recommend manual breast pumps. A double electric pump is something that you really do need to spend money on, if you're pumping. Sometimes you can get more milk out by hand expressing than with a manual pump, and it's boring and slow.
however, if you are pumping, all the components for my double pump fit pretty perfectly in the tommee tippee microwave sterilizer, I don't know if they would fit so well in a big steam sterilizer.

Newborn: Getting to know your newborn.

But she just sleeps all the time! Yes. I know. Enjoy that whilst you can. You won't, but I can tell you to anyway. Anyway, just because she's sleeping doesn't mean you can't get to know her. Get as many photos as you can, you'll be surprised how much (s)he changes and how quickly! Cuddle her, let her sleep on you and get to know you. Spend time together as a family before paternity leave ends. Take photos of you as a family. Even if (s)he's jaundiced, it can be interesting to look back on. See how tiny (s)he is and feel how amazingly heavy (s)he seems, even though everyone with older babies is telling you how light she is.Feel how strong (s)he is, and how curious. Even in the first few weeks you can pick up on some things that (s)he likes!  My little one (LO in forums and chatrooms) has always been obsessed with bookshelves. I wonder if it's all the colours.

Skin to skin - this is very important. I've heard some dads say that (s)he's attention seeking to want to cuddle all day. Not at this age. The professionals say (s)he can't be crying for attention seeking until 6 months. I think it's 3. They do go through stages of being clingy, but not right now. Your mother's instinct will tell you when (s)he is starting to just want you. Right now, (s)he is getting comfort from your heartbeat that (s)he heard for all those months, and if (s)he lies on daddy too they will bond quicker and better. Skin to skin is the best way of bonding with your baby. (s)he feels safe and loved. Daddy might not like it so much when she tries to pull out his chest hair, but if he can handle it, force as much upon him as possible. And enjoy it, especially if it's a girl, they don't always like cuddles. My LO only sees it as me restraining her, and preventing her from seeing the world - she's only 4 1/2 months! I think girls are more interdependent, they seem more curious. Girls seem to toilet train easier, because they want to be able to do it themselves.

Salt baths - These will help your wounds. Try and have one a day for at least a week.

Visitors - So your place is a mess with this influx of...stuff! It's only a little baby, where did all this stuff come from?! and you're too tired to clean it up, and suddenly your house seems to be some sort of damn museum, with visits every other damn day and people trailing through your house and well meaning friends and family coming to see the new baby...it's fine. They're not expecting the place to be tidy, and some people (probably moms themselves) might offer to help you with anything you want.

Accepting help - like asking questions. You have to do it. You have to let people help you, or you'll drown. It doesn't make you a bad mom. Even now, I find it hard. Even little things like getting the damn gate, I do it every day of the week and then suddenly at the weekends there's daddy to help me! It can be strange, but I'll let you in on a little secret, you don't have to do it all! And don't be afraid to ask! Especially people like your other half, and family, if they wouldn't mind loading the dishwasher for you, locking the door for you, even things like making their own coffee and letting themselves out the house! It all helps. And don't think to yourself, or let anyone say to you, you'll have to get used to it on your own. No you don't. Partner's paternity leave has ended? There's evenings and weekends. Single mom? What about your mom, or his mom, or your friends? There's always someone there for you. Even if it's only at the end of a phone and not in person. You don't have to do this alone. You're not alone.

The Birth: Questions

Ask as many as you can. There are so many doctors and nurses around who know what they're talking about (at least they're meant to~) you can pick one you like and get on with; you don't get that luxury from a health visitor. Ask as many questions as you can think of, even if you half know the answer; it's better to get the full story. It doesn't make you a bad mother to ask questions. How to swaddle, how to safely pick up your baby, even things you might not think you'll need.  And poop. It quickly becomes dinner conversation. You need to know exactly what is and is not normal, and the hospital workers might be better to ask than your gp or health visitor.

When you go for the check up just before you go, definitely ask as much as you can. They check the baby over and make notes of any kind of marks and bruises that occurred during the birth, and then anything new that the midwife sees in the first few visits ring warning bells for abuse. So if you've noticed something you think they haven't, you should definitely point it out, so you don't get accused of anything later.

Birthmarks - I don't know if birth marks are supposed to be picked up at this check, but my baby doesn't have any. If you aren't sure, or they don't say anything, definitely ask.

Lips - Did you know babies can suck their thumb in the womb? We have an ultrasound of her doing it. And this can cause a horrible dark brown scab on her lips. It's just the friction of thumb sucking, it will go away after a few days.

So else do they check over? - Well they do preliminary tests for hearing and sight, they can't tell for sure at this point if there's anything wrong, but they can tell is (s)he is completely blind or deaf. They also check movement, hip capability and muscles. It's a general all over body check, and they know what they're doing. They won't hurt your baby. They do this not too long before you're discharged. 

Poop - what's normal?

How often should my baby poop? - There is no definite answer, and it changes from breastfed (BF on forums and chatrooms) to formula fed (FF), or a mix. Breastfed babies poop less often and irregularly, because you are giving them all the nutrients they need, there isn't much waste to come out; but formula fed babies have a lot of unnecessary, or too much of, certain nutrients and this will make your baby poop more regularly. Some babies poop once a day, some babies poop several times a day, some babies poop every other day. It's all fine, and all normal. The time to worry is if the baby has had three diarrhoea filled nappies in a row, or if (s)he hasn't pooped in a week. Then you tell your gp or health visitor. Once a day poops are the sweet spot, or ideal, but your baby may take months to settle into it (my four month old only just has) or (s)he may never.

How can I cure constipation? - Talk to your gp before giving your baby anything, and they might get a free prescription too! If it's only been a couple of days and you don't want to go to the  gp yet, try massaging your baby's tummy in firm circles - (s)he will complain if you're hurting her to help it move along, or try cycling your baby's legs like (s)he is on a bicycle, or push both legs up to her tummy at the same time. (My baby loves it if you say ba-ba-ba as you're doing this) These are also effective winding techniques.

Meconium - this is the thick, black or dark green poop that will be your baby's first few poops. This doesn't even smell and you start to wonder what everyone's been going on about. This is normal, but if (s)he carries on pooping this way for more than a week or so, or begins to poop this way again.

Green-brown - after the first few days when baby is digesting breast milk, it will turn greeny brown. This is normal.

Yellow - Very normal. Breast fed babies especially seem to have "seedy" poops. This is very normal and healthy. Bright yellow and very loose, but you will still know if your baby has diarrhoea, it will almost definitely leak out of the nappy, and is completely liquidy and sloppy.

Brown - apparently normal if formula fed, but I haven't really noticed it, I think they mean a light yellowy brown. Brown poops like adult brown however, is NOT normal for an unweaned baby, you may want to consult your gp.

Green - can be very alarming, and not what you're expecting, but the lighter green it is, the less you need to worry. It can even seem neon in colour. No need to worry at all if it's a one off, but if your baby is having dark, thick, hard to pass green poop, for more than a couple of weeks, consult your gp.

Weaning poop - weaning poop is very strange. It can be all sorts of wonderful colours, think what your baby has eaten. That alarming, blood red poop, could just be the beets you gave her. It may be streaky, chunky, runny, by this time you'll know your baby and know what's normal. Look at the poop AROUND the colour and chunks. Is it normal? Has (s)he had anything new to eat recently that might be blocking her up or loosening her. If you have given her something new, and she is having trouble, you may want to not give her it again for a month or so, then try again when her digestive tract has matured more.

You may want to take pictures of poop if you are particularly worried and want to show your gp, but most of the time the poop is completely normal. Dark green is supposed to mean infection. but I showed my gp dark green poop pictures and she said it was normal. If you're worried, even if the internet or your friends or your partner say it's fine, talk to or show your gp.

Your babies poop doesn't smell bad. Convince yourself of that, I think it helps. If it smells awful, that could be an infection.

Breastfeeding and Burping

No-one tells you much about this. "It's the most natural thing in the world" Yeah it's also hard. Really hard.

They won't let you leave the hospital until you have established a 'good latch' and this can be horribly emotional.

Feeding your baby - Your baby will let you know (s)he wants food, and you feel nervous, you don't know what to do, you're still tired, and even though your vagina has been on display, you still feel a little shy, because this is one thing not everyone in the whole damn world has seen yet. This will change. Your baby needs feeding more than you need to be shy. You'll soon think nothing to whipping them out in public, or walking around your home in just your nursing bra. It's okay. They've seen it all before. So your baby starts mouthing and it's one of the cutest things in the world. They don't know anything at all yet, this is pure nature and instincts, they are trying to find your breast.

       Make sure you're nice and comfortable, every single time. Don't panic because then (s)he will panic. You're going to be sat in this position for a long time. Do you have everything you need? Do you have a drink nearby and a pillow under the arm that you will be holding your baby in? You cradle her, sideways, making sure (s)he is straight out, so the liquid can slide down her throat and to her stomach with no obstructions. The three positions I know are the ones that they show you how to do, under one arm like an American Football (medium), Between her legs and reaching up to support her head and press it to your breast (hard) and the one my mom told me, with her head in the crook of your arm and your hand reaching down her back to support her bum leaving you with a full free arm (easy)

        You tickle her nose with your nipple, and (s)he will start to get excited and flail a little maybe, make sure (s)he opens her mouth nice and wide, and bring her head onto your nipple and breast. Always do it that way round, do not take your breast to her, because when you relax into it, or move, the latch will change, and it could become painful, or (s)he might come off the breast. (s)he should have a nice full mouthful of areola (the dark pink circle around the nipple) and (s)he should be massaging the bottom of your breast with her jaw as it moves, to make the milk flow more freely. (s)he could be there for a long time, twenty, forty minutes, and then when (s)he's "done" you should pick her up and burp her, and always offer the other breast, even if it is painful, where she could stay for the same amount of time as before. You should always offer the breast (s)he spent LESS time on FIRST next time. It can get confusing to remember, depending how often (s)he is feeding, so you might want to write it down somewhere.

>>>You might not feel like it, you just want to get on with it and get out of there, but whilst at hospital, I would recommend breaking the latch as often as possible, and reattaching her, whilst you have assistance. I didn't, and went through hell breastfeeding. The more comfortable you are getting her to latch when you leave the hospital, the easier your next few months will be<<<

Colostrum - Colostrum is the first milk your baby will need, and the most important thing to give your baby. It is packed with nutrients and immunities for all sorts of things. If this is all you can give your baby it's still a great start. Colostrum is for your baby's first few days, is thick, yellowy, unpleasant to the taste, and comes through a couple of hours after giving birth. There isn't much of it but it's all your baby needs for a while. It will start to change to a whiter colour and become thinner soon after you come home from hospital.

Feeding positions - There are hundreds. They only showed me two in the hospital and I think that might have been the start of my problems. They didn't even mention 'there are other positions but we can't show you them all'. Listen to how your mom fed you, listen to anyone's suggestions, as it can be very tricky, but basically any position where the baby can drink and breathe is fine. You don't have to push down on your boobs like they say, so (s)he can breathe, if (s)he can't breathe (s)he will turn her head away from you herself.

Burping - It can sound horrible on your new little baby, but they are much sturdier than you think. You can pat their back quite hard to bring their wind up (or down) something that can help a lot is simply lifting and changing your baby's position. Everyone has at least seen the classic burping position in movies, with her over your shoulder, but there are other positions too. You should have a muslin square around your baby's neck, or over your shoulder, or wherever you're going to burp her, because it's a lot easier to clean than all your clothes, bedding and whatever else they may decide to throw up/spit up on. It won't happen too often but when it does you'll be glad to have the muslin there.

Burping positions - Rub or firmly pat your baby's back in each of these positions (and any others you can think of!) to bring wind up or down. Don't just rub in one direction, go up and down.

•  Over the shoulder: have her so her face is just above your neck and she can see over your shoulder. Have the muslin over your shoulder underneath her
• Cuddly: lie down on your back and place her on your (still wobbly) belly, and cuddle her. Gently thrust, or wriggle, so your belly and/or breasts move rhythmically. This is one of our favourites. I get a cuddle, she gets to look off to the side at the room and what is going on, and we get wind up too. Have the muslin across your breasts where (s)he is lying, or have nothing on at all and some lovely skin-to-skin contact
• Interested: for an inquisitive, maybe slightly older (your call, maybe around 1m+) baby. Sit up in an armchair or similar with her legs safely but gently secured between your knees. Her bum on one leg she can lean forward across your other leg, your arm across her chest. This gives a great angle to rub her back. You can also gently bounce her or wriggle her, to get the wind up. Have the muslin in your hand, under her chin.
• Lying down: She can also lie across your lap, similar to the position above, with her head dangling off your leg, pointing to the floor, your can rub her back really well, and move your knees to roll the wind around her tummy. Have the muslin laid out on the floor.
• Of course there are many others, whatever works! But these are our favourites and rotating between them tend to get the job done. If (s)he has particular trouble (like mine) you can always give her a bit of tummy time on her playmat/the bed/some large flat cushions. You can sometimes hear the wind sloshing a bit if you pick her up by the armpits and sway her side to side. Do this gently or you will have a face-full of vomit! For older babies (3m+) if they are ticklish, tickling up their back can be great, they shudder and get the wind up themselves!

Nipple cream - you need to remember to put this on after every feed. It soaks into the skin super quickly and helps to prevent cracking and soreness. Your baby can still drink from your breast if you have nipple cream on.

Latch assist - this only costs a couple of quid and might be useful to everybody anyway, but I didn't realize I needed one until I had gone through too much to carry on anymore. Your nipples need to stick out a fair way for the easiest possible latch.

Clicking noise - "if your baby makes a clicking noise when feeding they're not latched on properly" I don't think so. My baby still makes clicking noises, at four months old, with a bottle. I think it's fine, as long as you're not in pain.

Feeding on demand - This is what they recommend but somehow, sometimes, they still decide to wake you up in hospital to feed your baby, or wake your baby, if (s)he isn't crying for food, (s)he isn't hungry and I don't understand why they do this. I think it would be so that they can tick you off on their damn lists of yes this one is fine. Don't let it seep into your mind when you get home. Your baby will let you know when (s)he is hungry, (s)he won't starve. Every four hours is a good guideline time. Might be more, might be less, if it gets to around five hours, you may want to wake your baby for her feed.

Mastitis - this is a blockage in a milk duct. It can be incredibly painful and you can get it more than once. If it's swollen, feels hard, or even feels blocked, it could be what it is. There's not much they can do. The doctor will give you antibiotics and the best thing is to keep feeding. It can be horribly painful, and make you scared to feed, but it's the best thing to unblock it, and your baby feeding works better than expressing. If you do express, you may notice your milk is coming out incredibly thick and unappealing. It is fine to give your baby if you want to. I didn't because I thought it looked awful, but it will not harm her.

Drinking - you need to drink about four litres of water PER DAY to keep your milk flow going. I was advised five liters in the height of summer. I felt like I was peeing more when I was breastfeeding than when I was pregnant!

Drinking - alcohol is pretty much fine. After a night on the boozer you might not want to give your baby your milk, but a couple of units here and there is okay, and it only makes your baby drowsy. If you are expressing, you might want to save alcohol breast milk for the "night night feed"

Sleepy baby - Newborns can often forget what they're doing at the breast or bottle. It's adorable. They just need reminding. Say their name, blow gently on their face, or twist the bottle slightly. They will start and remember that they were eating, and carry on.

Failure to breastfeed - does not mean you are a failure as a mother. Some mothers never get colostrum through, some mothers can't give exclusively breast milk and have to top up with formula, some mothers can only breastfeed for a couple of weeks, it is OKAY. It's painful, and if you can't give your baby what (s)he needs you feel awful, especially when everyone at the hospital seems to be "you will breastfeed or else", but this is the reason WHY formula was invented, right? It happens a lot, and it's perfectly fine. Just because "breast is best" doesn't mean that you're doing your baby a disservice by giving them formula.

Pain - "if you are in pain, (s)he's not latched on properly" I don't think this is necessarily true either, but it's not worth it. Especially in hospital when you have people to help you latch properly. Sometimes if you've taken half an hour to get them to latch on, and then they FINALLY latch, but it's painful, you could be tempted to just let her carry on, but if she learns to do it that way, you could be in for a tough time. It would be fine a couple of times, but you don't want to make a habit of it and let her think it's okay to feed that way.

Pumps - If breastfeeding is too stressful, you may want to invest in a pump. High stress levels can decrease your milk production. It is better for your baby to be getting breast milk from a bottle, than none at all. My goal was always 3 months, because that's what my mother managed and I wanted to be just as good as her, and I achieved that with a bottle, I wouldn't have with breast feeding. If you are going to pump (and this needs to be a fully committed decision) it is best to invest. You need to wake up in the middle of the night and pump just the same as if you were going to be feeding your baby, even if they sleep through you may need to set an alarm in the middle of the night. You shouldn't pump for more than 15 minutes on each breast and don't worry about fluctuations. They are completely natural, and not getting as much as you got last time, or yesterday, or last week, is perfectly normal. You will know if your supply is drying up, a couple of oz's less than before is not a problem. If you're going back to work and still want to give your baby breast milk, you might want to pump. If you want to give her breast milk but you can't get a good latch, you might want to pump. If you have twins, you might want to pump. A good sturdy pump can last the whole time you have milk, and even to another child. I've tried manual, single, double. I would recommend double every day of the week. It halves the time you need to pump, which I cannot stress how good that is.

I had these. Pumping bra is wonderful. Hands free, but you need to sit up straight. You can do this at work, on the computer at home, or even doing standing tasks like ironing or washing up. I liked pumping, it was an excuse for 15min to yourself, because you can't play with baby with all these wires, so I could watch tv, or have a coffee. I had the ameda lactaline double personal. £130 is a lot of money but it lasted 6x a day for a month and 4x a day for a month and a half, and still works now supply has dried up. It's worth investing in a known brand, it's a lot of money no matter what, so paying a bit more for something that has good reviews is worth it. It is also the same pump as what I borrowed from the "breastfeeding support team" for two weeks. See if there is anything similar in your area. They can lend you a pump until you get one, and it could swing your decision.

The Birth: The hospital stay

Everyone hates hospitals, and I think everyone is desperate to get out of there, but it might be for the best to stay in a little while. They're preachy, demanding and set to their schedule not yours, but there's someone there to look after your baby whilst you're sleeping and recovering, there's help breastfeeding (more on this later) they remind you to take all your pills, you hate it at the time but I think it's easier than being at home.

Paternity leave - if you have a prem baby and have to stay in hospital a while, or complications, delay him taking his paternity leave until you're out and you need him, because although you might feel you need him emotionally in the hospital, or for someone to talk to, he can help you a lot more when you're at home and don't have the help of nurses. Paternity leave is ridiculously short anyway, and you only just start to get used to having your baby and all this help and then he shoots off again, but it's almost as if you don't really get into it until he goes back to work, when you have to shape up and cope, and do it all yourself. As a stay-at-home-mom I don't understand how any mom can cope with going back to work, and getting everything done, but I think it's all the same really, you cope. You get on with it and take one day at a time. Like with anything you won't appreciate how good it is to have him off on paternity leave until he's gone back to work.

Injections - You will begin to feel like a pin cushion. Even I, wasn't scared of needles, got scared after being stabbed every couple of hours, by nurses of varying ability. There's not really much you can do about it, just be warned.

Catheter - Undignified and humiliating. You may or may not have one, I think it's an epidural thing. It's all hidden under covers though, and your visitors can't see it. It starts to get painful surprisingly quickly, as you start trying to heal around it. Keep asking when it can be taken out. It is something that nagging will work for. As soon as you can walk, they'll let you have it out. As soon as I can WALK?? Yes. Remember I said epidural numbs your entire lower half. Yeah this means you can barely move for about five hours. Feeling comes back slowly, and it's like pins and needles, but keep wriggling your toes and trying your best to move, maybe massage your legs a little to get the blood flowing better. All this will help.

Stitches - Horrible word, and scary, but don't worry, they heal very nicely and they're the kind that just dissolve. The midwives will check how you're healing a couple of times but it's pretty quick. Take a salt bath every day to help it heal quicker.

Caffeine - I honestly have no idea, but as soon as I was able to walk I was allowed free reign of the patients kitchen, so I think caffeine is fine and doesn't seep through to milk. I had lots of coffees and no-one stopped me.

Going to the toilet - for the first time is scary. You get to see exactly how much blood there is. And it can really sting if you have stitches. They may ask you to pee in a bowl so they can test it for whatever, and that can be even harder because you're so weak. Don't worry you don't need too much for them to test what they like, and it definitely doesn't have to be all of it, and if you can't lift it, tip some away. I was carefully monitoring myself in my head every time I went to the toilet for how I was healing, and it pleasantly surprised me how quick it was. I recommend baby wipes for yourself, because you will be tender and sore, hospitals can't always be relied upon to actually have toilet paper, and it will help keep any stitches clean.

Pregnancy: The Birth: Recovery

This is arguably the worst time. You're so weak and confused and tired. You don't know what to do, what is happening, or what happens next. As far as I'm concerned, the aftercare is awful. You are not supposed to have an anti-clotting injection until four hours after a c-section. A friend of mine said a nurse tried to give her one only two hours after. You should be prepared for mess ups like that, and uncaring nurses. Our little girl got hiccups, and she's so little it was terrifying. Her whole body jumping and shaking. Well we told a nurse and said, what do we do? She went to the head nurse and just went "the [surname here] baby has hiccups." "okay". No. Not okay what do we do? Might seem silly to you, seems a little silly now maybe, but we were scared. Those hiccups went through her entire body. The head nurse eventually explained it quite well. What do you do when you have hiccups? There's nothing really that you can do is there? So it's okay. But we didn't know that, and they knew she was going to be fine, but we didn't!

Bring your camera. We refuse to acknowledge it, but the first picture of our baby was taken by my mother. I was weepy and depressed and didn't want anything, so the first picture of our baby is in the arms of some nurse, some total stranger. Be the first one to take a photo, and you may feel like utter crap, but you should be holding her.It's good if Daddy's holding her, but best if you are. You don't even have to ever show the photo to anyone ever, if you think you look awful, you can just keep it for you. A private, special moment between you and your baby.

So you're tired, emotional, weak, afraid, and alone in a bustling hospital on a shared ward with lots of other new babies and nosy nurses who will wake you up every couple of hours for some injection or other until you feel like a human pin cushion. You're wrought out, but anxious about your new baby. I had an irrational fear of someone taking her. It's a hospital. It's fine. You need to sleep, and rest. Try your hardest, it's not too bad at the time. Your new baby will sleep about twenty hours a day, and you will need to restore your energy. Once you get to sleep in the first place, getting back to sleep after they keep waking you up isn't so hard. Once I switched off I think the exhaustion caught up with me.

They may bend the visiting hours rules for your partner the first night, let him stay with you later and comfort you, I definitely needed him and I don't know what I would have done without him. I think most people hate hospitals. I needed something familiar and comforting, and he certainly provided that. He told me it was okay to feel the way I was feeling, I was exhausted and everything was going to be okay. It's one thing to make excuses for yourself and say that you're okay but it's somewhat more comforting to have someone else say it to you. He was strong for me, and asked questions that I daren't, but seriously. Say what you like, ask what you like, they have had it all before and probably worse. If you're not swearing every other word, they've probably had someone come through those doors ruder than you. It doesn't make you a bad mother to ask about something you don't know. Believe me, it's okay.

Pregnancy: The birth: My complications

My little girl was in the wrong position, slightly rotated round. If she was in the right position, it would have been much easier and have taken less time, but after hours of pushing, the anaesthetist came back. He was very good and I felt at ease with him. I had specifically requested only females to be in the birthing room, unless there were complications, and he took me into theatre and it was mostly women, him and one other man who seemed to be some sort of lab assistant, he didn't really come anywhere near me.

The second Epidural. The second epidural was really bad. It completely numbed my whole body, I could barely move, and I had to actually ask them if I was pushing, I couldn't even feel my muscles work. I had forceps and suction cup, to turn my baby around properly. This is very common and can often make the baby have an oddly shaped head. Don't worry. It will go down within the first month. Don't be afraid to say anything you damn well like. I said, very quietly the the anaesthetist, that "I preferred the other woman [from a few minutes ago in theatre] she had smaller hands" and they swapped back simple as you like, I hadn't even realized they could hear me.

When she came, they whisked her off to another room and I had no idea what they were doing, my baby wasn't there with me. I had no idea what was going on, what they were doing, don't be scared to ask. I think they see so many babies come and go that sometimes they forget that not everyone has done this before. They'd washed her and bundled her and brought her to me; apparently they no longer do the heel prick test in hospital. I didn't know whether they had done it or not, they told me jack. They don't measure babies length any more either. You may want to bring a tape measure and do it yourself, or as soon as you get home. We had to ASK them what TIME she was born too, they didn't volunteer this important information. I think they get so bogged down by the logistics and paperwork of it all that they forget that we're people.

Pregnancy: The birth, more

Braxton Hicks: I never had these, to my knowledge, but the difference between them and real contractions is supposed to be that real contractions are more painful, and come evenly and close together, getting more frequent as time goes on. You're not supposed to call the hospital, or set off, until the contractions are four minutes apart. This can take a very long time, or not. Despite how much pain you are in. it is honestly more comfortable at home than it is at hospital. There seems to be no sense of urgency, even though it is the most urgent you'll feel in your life. It is best to try and get some sleep, as soon as you think the contractions are coming on, no matter what time of day it is. If it's "just" Braxton Hicks, they'll be gone when you wake up; if it's labour, you'll be much further along when you wake. You're probably not going to sleep now for the next 24 hours, so it's good to get some in.

Poop: If you're in labour, you may experience a desperate feeling that you need to poop. You don't. It is the contractions pushing on your bowel or rectum. I tried to go once, and I think that's fine, right at the beginning, but the more you try the more likely it will be that you poop when giving birth, and more likely to get hemorrhoids.

What if I poop when giving birth? In front of all those people? You won't care. I didn't believe that, it kept me up nights, I thought it would be the worst thing in the world. I genuinely don't know if I did or not, I don't think so. Apparently 80% of births involve a poop. They've seen it before, and apparently they're very good, the just whip it away and carry on. The pushes are like you're going for a poop, so I think it's very likely to be honest, but when you get to that stage, you just want it to be over and you don't care what people think.

Screaming: You scream as much as you damn well want. It HURTS. I screamed at home, and when I got to the hospital they told me to stop screaming, and I honestly think it was so I didn't wake up other patients at 6am, but who cares? It's ridiculous. You scream as much as you want girl.

Pain Relief: I don't understand how anyone could ever do it without. I wanted a c-section I was in so much pain. I didn't before, and I'm glad I didn't, but I just wanted them to knock me out and take my baby out of me. I fully endorse an Epidural. Gas and Air did NOTHING for me. It makes you feel woozy, and dulls the pain a little, but it made me feel like I was going to be sick, made my voice all funny.

The Epidural: Now I wasn't entirely sure what an epidural actually is until about a month before the birth. It is actually a needle in your spine, and numbs you from the waist down. You have to be very still whilst they are putting it in, because if they slip it can cause many complications, but don't worry. It is done by experienced doctors who have done this all before and they won't harm you. The first epidural was wonderful, it took away the pain but I could still feel when to push, it was wonderful, I can't imagine wanting or needing any other form of pain relief or birth. I have huge respect for anyone who can do it with less, but I didn't feel like I could, and it helped me enjoy the birthing process.

Pregnancy: The birth

Now this is what everyone's been waiting for! What those months of preparation and care have been for, your little baby is coming into the world! There's a lot of stuff they don't seem to tell you, none of it is glamorous, men probably don't want to read this post at all.

Labour: First thing's first, you will KNOW. I had a false alarm, but if you say I think I'm in labour, you're not. My girl was exactly a week early. The pain is horrendous. You don't know anything like it, and you can't see how ANYONE would want to do it AGAIN, but hormones are a wonderful thing, and it only takes a few months to forget, and start planning another! When in labour, take a couple of paracetamol and have a warm bath. This does nothing for you whatsoever, but that's the first thing the hospital suggests when you call them to tell them you're in labour. I think maybe it's to sort out whether it's the real thing or not, because something so relaxing would help women who had some other ailment that wasn't labour.

Waters: waters breaking is a clear sign of labour. But guess what? Sometimes it doesn't happen and the hospital has to do it for you. Sometimes it doesn't go until you're at hospital. I didn't notice them go at all, so I think they went at hospital. And sometimes it can be a gush, sometimes a trickle. Not very helpful, I know, but it didn't really happen to me...

Mucus plug: Something nobody will tell you about is this. I knew because of Scrubs, but no-one told me. Another definite sign of labour, and you will know what it is. It looks like bogeys. It's disgusting, and wobbly, and can have a little bit of blood in it, it's like mother's dirty little secret, no one wants to talk about it. You may or may not notice it, in your pants or when you wipe going to the toilet. Mine came before the pain did, don't know if that's true for everyone, so I had time to have a nice hot shower, clean my entire body and shave...everywhere. Because people were going to be looking intently at me and I didn't want to be...untidy. I felt better at least for being clean going in to it.

Pregnancy: Scans and Kicks!

Daddy needs to take a day off work and come and see the scan. I don't care if you're not still together, if you want him to be part of baby's life, he has to come to the scan. It's a magical moment where daddy falls in love with his baby. You fell in love with her weeks ago, when hormones kicked in and you knew you were having a beautiful little baby, but daddies don't have that. It's sort of not real for daddies for a long time. Bringing them to the scan is a great way to let them get involved, a chance to love their baby before they feel her kick. Seeing her move, seeing what you can already feel, is magical. A beautiful special bonding moment for all of you.

Don't panic about feeling her move. You will. There's nothing wrong with her, it will happen. Just wait, and breathe, stay calm and you will feel her move, maybe even before you're "supposed" to! First time moms don't feel it as quickly as second, third, fourth time moms, because they don't really know what they're feeling for. So don't panic if people are saying, well I felt my baby move at X weeks, and you're stood there at X+5 weeks. It's no problem. And you'll feel her quicker than Daddy will with his head on your belly, but don't get disheartened. both of you keep talking to her, singing to her, telling her about your day, not only will it make her recognize your voices, she will soon start responding to them!

I've heard on the grapevine that you should choose a song, and play it to your bump every single day throughout your pregnancy. I was told that if you play it to them when they come out, it will send them to sleep at night. I have also heard that if you play it whilst they are coming into the world, it will make the birth easier and relax the baby as there is something familiar going on. Now I don't know about all that, and the trouble we had to get the hospital to let us plug in our own damn fan in the height of summer, getting them to play a song over and over again in a delivery room...not sure they would actually allow that, maybe it's only for home births...I'm not sure. But I will tell you this. I played lots of music to my bump, and repeated a few, very often. The first time she heard one of those songs when she was out of the womb, she started DANCING. She was about a month old and danced to it, because she recognized it. So whether it RELAXES them, I can't say. But I can definitely say that they recognize music you play to them in the womb.

Pregnancy: Preparation

Emma's Diary & Bounty: Do not sign up to these. I mean it. Sure you get freebies, but I really don't think it's worth it. Or at least just sign up to one...you get bombarded with so many leaflets that you will NEVER have time to read, and cold calling and advertising galore. Your email inbox will become saturated with advertising and "advice" for your baby's development, due to your due date. If your baby is early (like mine, exactly one week) then you still get emails for when your baby was "supposed" to arrive, so it's useless as far as I'm concerned. There's LOADS of money off vouchers and things, but it's really not that much money off and it's STILL stressing me out that we still have in date vouchers that we're not using...SOMEWHERE.

Hospital Bag: Get this sorted as soon as possible, then you can add anything you might have forgotten over time. Keep it in the car preferably, or if your other half has the car, maybe make two like I did. One that you NEED, and one for overnight and bits that you need later can go in the car. There are plenty of things online to tell you what to take, but you WILL end up overpacking for your first baby. I can tell you what I needed.

• Change of clothes for you: You REALLY don't even feel like it, but they do bully you and make you take a shower and change etc. You never know how long you'll end up staying so probably just pack 2x change of clothes and 1x pyjamas, anything extra you need your partner could bring you later, or if you're not still together, your mum or his mum or anyone you're close enough to to give a key to your house and let them rummage through your wardrobe. REMEMBER: unfortunately this big belly you have is NOT all baby. You will still need to be wearing maternity/bigger clothes for a long time after the birth. You will NOT fit straight back into your favourite top just like that.
• Shower stuff: They do make you. You don't feel like it, you ache all over, but you have to at least keep up appearances. I didn't feel like reaching up and washing my hair, so you could probably get away without shampoo and conditioner if you like, but as soon as you step in that shower you realize how much you need it. You will definitely need soap or shower gel, and lots of it. And towels. I can't actually remember if they provided me with towels, but I brought my own anyway and it felt good to have something so familiar in this terrifying whirlwind of new experiences.
• Flip flops: for the shower. It's a good idea. Maybe ask around people who have had babies in the hospital you're going to, but the showers can be disgusting and you might not want to touch the floor. I also used them instead of slippers because they were easier to get on.
• Entertainment: Not really necessary. You will be exhausted and all you will want to do is sleep, and when you're not sleeping, there's a little baby to look at! I brought several things, for whatever I could have possibly felt like at the time. No need. Maybe one book, just in case, but I doubt you'll need it.
• Handheld fan: This is a GREAT idea. We didn't do it, we brought a plug in one, which we had to bully them to let us plug it in. Your partner or someone close to you would have to be with you the whole time, however, and prepared to hold it for you, but you WILL be hot. Even in the middle of winter, at least your face will be on fire.
• Maternity towels: Don't bother. I mean it. They are EXACTLY like sanitary towels, except they don't have wings. Sure they're thicker, but a decent night time towel will do the job just as well and will be cheaper
• Baby clothes: This goes without saying. Bring along a variation of sizes, but you don't have to bring EVERY size. You could bring 5lbs, 7lbs, 9lbs and maybe 11lbs to be safe. You need vests and bodysuits and a hat. Maybe some gloves if you're due in the winter but I certainly didn't need them in the summer.
• Newborn nappies: Of course. You don't need many though. I only stayed overnight and until the next evening and I think I used less than 10. If you have to stay longer someone could always run out for you and bring more.
• Baby bath stuff: They will make you bathe her before you leave, so that you can learn from them/so they know you can bathe her. You don't need much though. You don't use bubble bath or soap or anything until they're about a month old, so maybe a baby towel and maybe baby oil, but that's all you need.
• Baby wipes: Yes. They don't let you use baby wipes in the hospital for your baby, and you don't need them for your baby until she's about a month old, but you will be so sore down below it will be much nicer and gentler on you than toilet paper. It will also keep any stitches nice and clean.
• Cotton pads: Yes. These flat disks, sort of like compressed cotton wool balls, and lukewarm water, is what you will use to wipe your baby's bum for the first month. We bought too many and still have some, but not to worry, you can keep using them until they run out, OR, because wipes are easier, we're slowly working through them by using them to wipe milk and food off baby's face. ALL babies HATE baby wipes to wipe their faces. It is what you're supposed to do, so don't panic, but they will cry at you. I don't know if it's the smell or what, but she definitely prefers wet cotton pads on her face.
• Breast pads and maternity/nursing bra: You definitely need these. No need to explain, you get it. The cheapest breast pads we found were boots own. They're all the same. We had lots of freebies, lansinoh, avent, tommee tippee, avent are slightly thicker, lansinoh are pinky and sort of a figure of 8 shape, which I didn't like, I leaked out the sides, but basically they're all the same, and if you change them often enough there's no need to buy the avent ones just because I've said they're a bit thicker. They're all the same and for once I don't see much use in name brands at all.
• Lansinoh: Nipple cream. 100% need. Lansinoh was the only one I could have because we were told it's the only one without aloe (which I'm allergic to) There is nothing worse than cracked nipples. Painful, and peeling off skin from your nipples is NOT fun. It may be almost a tenner a tube, but you NEED it. You'll go through about a tube a week. Lansinoh is the best because you don't have to wipe it off before giving your baby your breast. You need to put it on after every single feed. It works as a preventative measure as well as healing after your nipples are cracked.
• Drinks: It's a good idea, they say bring cartons with bendy straws so that you can have a drink whilst you're in labour, but you really won't feel like it. I enjoyed having them after, so I didn't have to call a nurse or get up to have a drink, but it's not 100% necessary.
• Pillow: I am a very bad sleeper. I toss and turn and throw my pillows and move them, so I've always slept with more than one pillow. If you do too you should definitely bring your own, and remember to take it back with you! Don't let them change your bedding and take your pillow away! It's nice to prop up properly, and much more comfortable. Even if you do ask for another pillow you won't get one (in an nhs hospital anyway)
• Muslin squares/bib: I don't think is necessary. Maybe bring one but I don't think you'll need it for breastfeeding.